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Wednesday, March 29, 2006

54. Withdrawing From World Leadership

A few selections edited from an article by P. J. O'Rouke in a popular American rightist newspaper.

If America withdraws from world leadership what will happen?

"The benefits will immediate. We can cut $300 billion from our defense budget. This will be almost enough to pay for the aging baby boomers' prescription drug benefits, which can now include Levitra, Botox and medicinal cannabis."
"America will enjoy cleaner air and less traffic congestion as oil goes to $200 a barrel due to the chaos in the Middle East. A U.S. withdrawal from the Middle East will cause chaos, of course. Then again, a U.S. intervention in the Middle East has caused chaos already. And during those periods of history when the U.S. was neither intervening in nor withdrawing from the Middle East, there was....... chaos. The situation is akin to the famous complaint women have against men: failure to acknowledge that not every problem can be fixed. Sometimes the best thing is just a little sympathy."
"Of course various unpopular rulers who have held onto power with American support will be force to submit to the will of their people. Tony Blair comes to mind."
"A NATO alliance that does not include the U.S. will acquire a new sense of mission and purpose, especially in Gdansk, Istanbul and Hamburg, when Russia resumes its historic quest for warm-water ports."
"The threat of nuclear proliferation will abate as dangerous stockpiles of atomic weapons are quickly used up. The loss of life will be regrettable. But this will be counterbalanced by the welcome disappearance of long-standing international flashpoints when the India-Pakistan border is vaporized, Tehan disappears in a mushroom cloud and whatever is left of the Korean Peninsula becomes reunited."
"American protestors against globalization will be able to relax. An inward-looking america is bound to link military and diplomatic disengagement with high trade barriers. There will be domestic political pressure to create jobs for the hundreds of thousands of returning military personnel, State Department employees, Peace Corps volunteers, network foreign-correspondents, etc. Unfortunately, the jobs will be mostly mowing lawns and taking care of the children of husband/wife lawyer couples, since a decreasing involvement with foreign affairs will lead to an increasing resentment of foreign immigrants."
"And the best thing about Americans leaving the world stage is that we will be loved again."

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