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Location: The City, On the edge

Thursday, October 06, 2005

6. The Pet Diaries



FROM A DOG'S DAILY DIARY:
8:00 a.m. OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 a.m. OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 a.m. OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 a.m. OH BOY! GETTING RUBBED AND PETTED! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 a.m. OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
NOON OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 p.m. OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 p.m. OH BOY! TO THE PARK! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 p.m. OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
6:00 p.m. OH BOY! PLAYING BALL! MY FAVORITE!
6:30 p.m. OH BOY! WATCHING TV WITH MY MASTER! MY FAVORITE!
8:30 p.m. OH BOY! SLEEPING IN MASTER'S BED! MY FAVORITE!

From a cat's daily diary:
Day 183 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh food while I am forced to eat fishy-smelling
gunk.
The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild
scoldings I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.
Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while
they were walking almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the
basement stairs.
In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again
induced my self to vomit on their favorite chair; must try this on their
bed.
I continue to lurk atop high places, such as above the kitchen cabinets
and atop the armoire. I glare down on them, and I can see it makes them
leery, as they always force me to come down.
Another way I make them nervous is to disappear completely for hours,
and as I watch them searching and calling that stupid name they gave me,
I detect a great sense of worry. I will continue to do this.
Another way I have discovered that they do not like, is to stand
backwards in my toilet (they call it a litter box, what the hell is
that?), and shoot litter out onto the floor, along with an occasional
sampling of feces.
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to
make them aware of what I am capable of, and to strike fear into their
hearts. However, they only cooed and condescended about what a good
little cat I was. Nothing is going according to plan.
There was some sort of gathering or meeting of their accomplices. I was
placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could
hear noises and detected the smell of good. Most importantly, I
overheard that my confinement was due to my power of "allergies." I
must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
I am convinced that the other captives are flunkies, or perhaps even
informers. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to
return. He is obviously a half-wit.
The bird, on the other hand, has go to be a key informant. He speaks
with them regularly, and I am certain that he reports my every move. Due
to his current placement in the metal room, however, his safety is
assured. But I can wait. It is only a matter of time.
I will do better tomorrow, day 184.

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